the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We need a shit load of segways right now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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