i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
