I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
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I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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