i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
