Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
