I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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