Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
