I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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