my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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