I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Terrible idea I love it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
