Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
