just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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