I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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