I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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