So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
