I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
