just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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