I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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