got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
