Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This house was built for laser tag.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
