We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i think my cat just said my name.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
