I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
