There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pants are for mortals
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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