I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
