He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
