Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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