I have demons in me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
