Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
