from now on my penis is your penis
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
