Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
