he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
