You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize