Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
