if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
