don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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