this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
