Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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