Porn is love you can see.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
