did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
