he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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