U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
