it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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