there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
