i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize