I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
