he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
