drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
