No stitches, just platelets and will power
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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