Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
