I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
