are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
should my penis look like a turkey
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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