Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
