Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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