My Higher Power is John Stamos
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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