You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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