U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
