You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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