His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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