the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize