After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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