Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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