fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize