watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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