He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
