I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
