so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize