her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
