Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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