I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
