i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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