Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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